Shinigami and Bud Light
by Cougar3546
Summary: What happens when Duo is locked in the basement with nothing but Bud Light and various other junk? R&R!


Shinigami and Bud Light  
What happens when Duo is locked in a basement, with nothing but Bud Lights, and various other junk?  
I own nothing. I don't own Gundam Wing, Bud Light, or *NSYNC. There, the disclaimer, NOW READ!   
  
"And it ain't no lie, baby, Bye Bye Bye!" Duo sang to the music.  
"Shut up, Baka!" Wufei yelled.  
"No can do, Wu-Man!" Duo said in mid *NSYNC dance.  
"Don't call me that!" Wufei said, bringing out his kantana.  
Duo jumped out of the way of it, and he slammed right into Heero, breaking his laptop.  
"#&$^#! OMME A KOROSOU!" Heero yelled as he pulled out his gun. Duo then ran off, laughing at their attempts to get him.  
"CAN'T GET ME!! NYAH NYAH!!!" Duo yelled at them, but didn't see Quatre or Trowa in his   
way. He slammed into Trowa, knocking him off his feet, into the TV, breaking it. Then into Quatre, who   
was holding a tray of snacks for them to eat. The food spilled all over him, staining his pink shirt and tan   
pants. Duo kept on going, but also slammed into picture frames, dishware, and anything else in his path.   
When it was over, the apartment was a mess. Duo got up from the broken bed he was on. He looked at the   
damage, and the four angry pilots coming at him.  
"Oops," he said.  
"Oops?! OOPS?!" Wufei asked. "This is not an 'oops'! THIS IS INJUSTICE!!!!"  
"Hey, sorry man!" Duo said, brushing himself off. "I'll help clean this up!"  
"I think you've done enough, Maxwell," Heero said.  
"You need to stay out of our way," Quatre said, picking up some trash.  
"Well, what are you gonna do to me, lock me in the basement?!" Duo demanded.  
  
"And stay down there, Braided Baka!" Wufei said. The door to the basement slammed shut. Duo   
picked himself up off the floor and ran up the steps. He tried to open the door, but it was locked from the   
other side. He sighed and leaned against the door.  
"Great..." he said. "Me and my big mouth..." He then walked down the steps and looked   
around. He couldn't see very far since the only light was from the basement window, which was very   
small. He then sat on a box, and leaned forward. "Now what should I do?"  
Then, he saw a big white thing in the back of the basement. He got up and walked to it.  
"A fridge?" he asked himself. "How come I never knew about it?"  
Then, he saw a sign on it. It read: 'Heero's refrigerator, do not go into.'  
"No wonder, Heero hid it," he said. "I wonder what's in it..." He went to grab the handle, but   
saw that there was a trigger on it. "So, he has an alarm in case someone got into it? Well, his computer is   
broken, so there's no harm..." He opened the door, and a wave of cold air hit him in that warm basement.  
"Let's see..." he said. "A chicken." He looked at the date. "Woah! Six years old! And I wonder   
why the chicken at Christmas tastes weird...Cold cream, baking soda, moldy cookies, a thong...hmmm,   
must be a Christmas gift for Relena...hehe!" he said, a grin growing on his face. "Hellooooo, what's this?"   
He pulled out a big twelve pack of Bud Lights. "Bud Lights?! Hey, and they're not out of date, either!"   
He then shut the door and walked back to the box he was sitting on before. He pulled one off of the rings   
and set the rest of them on the floor. He opened it and took a little sip.  
"Yum," he said, and continued drinking. "I don't see how people can become drunk...hmmmm."   
He the got up, but started stumbling on his own feet. He somehow managed not to spill a drop of beer   
while stumbling across the floor. He stopped when he made it to the other side, sat on a box, and laughed.   
He then opened one. "I wonder what is down here...those weird people in the rest of this building are   
crazy...*hic*."  
He pulled out a straw hat with pink ribbon on it. He then put it on, and got up and curtseyed. He   
then saw a coat rack, and curtseyed to it.  
"Hello kiiiiinda sir!" he said. "May I have this dance?" He then grabbed the coat rack and started   
twirling and dancing with it. He spun around it, and then it fell over.  
"Oh, dear, you tri*hic*ipped!"  
He then threw off the hat and stumbled back to the beers.  
"Funny, I only had one little beer," he said, holding up three fingers. "I feeeeeel just fiiiiine..."   
He then pulled off another can, and opened it...  
  
(4 hours later)  
"Do you think we have left him down there long enough?" Quatre asked.  
"We should bring him back up," Trowa said.  
"Humph! He should stay down there for the Injustice he has wrought!" Wufei said.  
They walked down to the basement door, and unlocked it. They then heard a long wail from the   
basement.  
"What was that?!" Quatre asked.  
Heero then pulled out his gun, threw the door open, and ran down the steps. Wufei followed,   
holding his kantana. They both found the wails coming from Duo, who was moaning and crying while   
sitting on a box.  
"What's wrong, you Baka?!" Wufei said, disgusted that Duo was whining.  
"*sniff* I ran outta Light Buds!" he said.  
"...huh?"  
"Light Buds!" Duo said, pointing to the empty cans. Heero walked over and picked up one and   
looked at it.  
"He means Bud Lights. He drank all of the beer down here!" Heero said.  
"Why was there beer?" Wufei asked.  
"I was supposed to store them for one of the neighbors, but Duo's found them."  
Quatre and Trowa came down the steps.  
"What happened?" Quatre asked.  
"Duo drank the beer that Heero was holding for a neighbor," Wufei said.  
Duo then immediately went from moaning and wails to laughing and giggling. They all looked at   
him.  
"What's so funny, Baka?!" Wufei asked.  
"I drank the Light Buds!" Duo said cheerfully. "Light Buds, there's sooooooooooo fine!" He fell   
backwards off the box, and continued laughing.  
"That's it, let's leave him down here..." Wufei said.  
"No! We can't! He might hurt himself in this drunken state!" Quatre said.  
"Is that supposed to be bad?"  
They ended up dragging the drunken God-of-Death up the steps while he was singing   
'Margaritaville'.  
They then carried him up the steps, and into their apartment. They laid him on the couch. He then   
laughed some more before dozing off.  
"What should we do with him?" Trowa asked.  
"Well, lets let him sleep it off, and then we'll worry about his hangover in the morning," Quatre   
said.  
CRASH!  
They all ran to the living room, where Duo threw the remote at the TV, and broke the screen.  
"WHAT THE...BAKA! WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Wufei asked.  
"I tried to change the channel....hehehehehehah!" Duo said.  
"Um, no," Trowa said.  
Duo then looked at Heero, and he saw a pink elephant do the tango on his shoulder. He smiled   
and pointed. Heero looked behind him, and saw nothing. He looked at Trowa, who motioned that Duo was   
seeing things.  
"Elephaaaaaaaaaaaant!" Duo said, rolling off the couch. He then got on his knees, and fell   
backwards. "Pink elephaaaaaaaaaant!"  
Then he looked at Wufei, and saw a little stick-figure person waving at him. He waved at him   
with a goofy smile on his face. Wufei sighed.  
"Who are you waving to, Maxwell?!" he demanded.  
"The little stick guuuuuuyyyy!" he said. "Hi, stick dude! I like ponies!"  
"Ponies?" Trowa asked.  
"Beats me," Quatre said. He then walked over to Duo, and pulled him up. "C'mon, lets go get a   
drink."  
"Of Light Bud?"  
"No, soda."  
"Oh..." he said as Quatre led him to the kitchen. "Hiiiiiiii, I don't think we've met! I'm   
shiniwimigimiiiiiiiiaaaaaamiiiiiiiii!"  
"...That's...um...great...I think..." Quatre said. He then seated Duo in a chair. "Okay, stay   
here!" He then walked to get a can of soda.  
"That's futile, telling Duo to stay," Heero said to the other two as they watched.  
Duo looked around with the dopey looked on his face. He then smiled, got up, and walked over to   
the toaster. He rested his arms on the counter, and his head in his palms.  
"Hiiiiiiiiiii," he said to the toaster. "I'm shiniwimiiiiiii...Duo! Who are you?"  
The toaster did not respond.  
"Oh? That's a lovely name!"  
The toaster did not respond.  
"Can we be friends?"  
...WHAT'D YOU EXPECT?! IT'S A TOASTER!  
Duo picked up the toaster and lovingly stroked it.  
Trowa looked beside him as Heero held a video camera, recording everything.  
"What are you doing?" Trowa asked.  
"Heh, this is great blackmail for that Baka..." Heero said, with an evil smile on his face.  
Duo hugged the toaster. Quatre came running over.  
"No, Duo! Put the toaster down!" he said, taking the toaster away from him.  
"NO! MY DARLING, SARAH! I NEEEEEEEEEED HER!" Duo said, reaching for it. He then   
threw a stray punch at Quatre, which missed him by a lot. It surprised Quatre though, and it gave Duo a   
chance to grab the toaster. He then turned around and started french kissing it.  
"THAT BAKA!" Wufei said. "HE IS KISSING A TOASTER!"  
"Um..he's drunk, what do you expect?" Quatre asked.  
"This...is...sickening...We have to get it away from him before anything else happens..." Heero   
said, still recording.  
Trowa then got up, and grabbed it away from Duo.  
"She's my girl, I paid her to kiss you!" he said, and walked away, to hide the toaster.  
Duo's eyes welded up with tears. He started crying.  
"My daaaaaarrrrrliiiiing! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...Oh!" He then ran over to a blender.  
"Oh dear..." Quatre said, grabbing the blender and throwing it away from Duo's reach. Trowa   
caught it and hid it.  
"*sniff* Nobody likes meeeeee...YAY!" He ran over to a coffee maker. Quatre threw it, Trowa   
hid it.  
This went on for two hours with: Eight forks, twelve knives, ten spoons, two coffee pots, a   
spatula, thirty-two bowls, a block of cheese, whipped cream, fifteen cups, a chair, eighty-two ice cubes,   
four cans of soda, a chocolate cake (Quatre threw it wrong...Heero had to clean his camera,) and lastly,   
twelve pots.  
Wufei and Heero decided that it was enough, and tackled Duo. Quatre breathed a sigh of relief.   
Trowa came into the kitchen.  
"Is...it...all...hidden?" Quatre asked in between breaths.  
"Yes, but I was beginning to run out of hiding spots," Trowa said, resting in a chair.  
"ALL OF MY LOVERS! THEY ALL HATE ME!!!" Duo screamed as he kicked. Wufei and   
Heero continued holding him down. The camera was on the table, recording them.  
"I'M BEGINNING TO REALLY HATE YOU, ONNA!" Wufei screamed at Duo.  
"I love pie..." Duo said. "I like mud pie...mud mud mud mud muuuuuuuud!" Duo sang. His   
eyes then rolled to the back of his head, and he passed out.  
"FINALLY!" Wufei said as he and Heero dragged him to the bedroom, and put him on his top   
bunk bed. Duo snoozed the rest of the day.  
  
(THE NEXT MORNING...)  
Heero was using his new lap top, Wufei was shining his kantana, Trowa was watching TV, and   
Quatre came into the room.  
"Hey, has anyone checked on Duo?" he asked.  
"No," Trowa said.  
"I'll see what that Baka is up to," Wufei said. He put down his kantana, and walked into the   
bedroom. He looked up at Duo's bunk, and drips of puke dropped off of it, onto the floor. Wufei sighed.  
"Baka!" he said. "BAKA!" No response. "@&(@^@(*(&@!"  
Duo then grabbed the side of the bunk and leaned over to look at him.  
"What Wu-man?" he asked, sleepy-ness in his voice.  
"Don't call me that! Get up!"  
"Nooooooooo." Duo groaned.  
"GET! UP!" Wufei growled, angry at him.  
"No!"  
Wufei then shook the bed. "GET UP!"  
"Don't dooooo that..." Duo said. But it was too late. Duo got sick again, and puked...  
All over Wufei's head.  
Wufei stopped shaking the bed, and backed away. He walked out of the room growling. The rest   
of the Gundam Pilots looked at him.  
"He's awake..." Wufei said. He then turned and stomped to the bathroom, slamming the door   
behind him.  
"Wu-man is now PUKE-MAN!!!!" Duo said cheerfully.  
"Well, Duo's feeling better." Quatre said.  
Duo walked out of the room after changing, and sat on the couch, his head between his knees.  
"Well, I learned something out of this..." Duo said.  
"What? Not to drink?" Quatre asked.  
"Appliances aren't true love?" Trowa asked.  
"Not to go look in my stuff?" Heero asked.  
Duo looked up at them and smiled. "No, not to puke on Wu-man, 'cause I'm gonna die the   
second he's out of the bathroom!" Duo said.  
THE END  
  



End file.
